So, ello there!
I know that most of my novels (if not all) of them got deleted.
I've been writing things like crazy lately (Of course on paper and not typed)
But I managed to find a short story that I wrote this winter when things were not going so great with a few of my friends.
I thought I'd start the writing in small doses.
Even though there may be some serious editing issues... sorry.
Music Pairing: Landon Pigg "The Boy who Never"
Anyway, here is...
The Coffee Shop
Relationships had never been Alexa’s strong suit. When the possibility of anything arose, she was the first to hit the brakes and jump ship. Normally, she hit the brakes for no apparent reason, other than her own fears. She found flaws in each of the guys and gave the old, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” spiel. Boys made her panic and panic made her kind of heartless.
With her best friend Fitz, this panic was starting to appear in cracks and smears across the surface of their friendship. In certain conversations over facebook chat, came these awkward statements that caused Alexa to hide behind her computer screen, frantically text her go-to-girl Elizabeth, and cautiously type ‘Mhmm’ as a meek response. Though it made her feel terrible every time, it never stopped her from continuing to panic, ‘Mhmm,’ and frantically texting Beth.
Unfortunately for Alexa, though, Elizabeth was not always on her side. Beth found Fitz and Alex’s relationship to be quite cute and charming, and she wanted them to succeed. Beth’s only goal was convincing Alex not to pack up her bags and run at the first sign of the spark that was presently arising.
Sometimes, even Alexa’s brain decided to join Fitz and Beth’s team. Dreams had been haunting-though never bad ones (besides the one where he pushed her off a mountain) - her for weeks, and they were making her frustrated that she couldn’t seem to forget him. He was always clearly entered in her subconscious, creeping up out of nowhere. They were even dreams that popped out of thin air, making her question what was really going on in her own mind. The dreams made Alex seem bold and risky and extremely kissable, which was something Alex never, ever was. She had waited for the perfect guy to be her first kiss, and she didn’t like wasting them all on him of all people in her dreams. It wasn’t as if they turned out well in her dreams either, because after every kiss, she would turn into a squirrel, a puddle, or sometimes a bookshelf. Either way, she was tired of the dreams and very tired of his constant presence within the walls of her cranium.
Changing the dreams and thoughts of her own mind was always Alex’s number one priority. Since her confusion level was always at the same level as the terrorist attack warning system at airports, she really wanted to get the Fitz situation figured out. She couldn’t handle any more confused emotions, the hormones at age eighteen were already raging, and there was no need to add to them, especially since everyone was starting to leave so life could begin.
“Alex, come on,” Fitz smiled brightly, letting his eyes scrunch up and hide how big, brown, and blazing his irises shown. He grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled her along with him into the line. “Stop being so shy, we both know you’re not.”
Alex shook her head and looked down at her floral pink skirt, all fluffed up from the distinct layer of light tulle underneath. She flittered with it and sighed, “I know it’s ridiculous. But when it comes to this stuff, I am shy.”
“What stuff?” he teased. He knew exactly was she meant, and how this was something she was kind of sensitive about. But he ever stopped attempting to embarrass her, never.
“You know what stuff; boys, guys, men. I just don’t like dealing with them.”
He looked at her with the utmost awe, like he was taking in a piece of her airy-shyness that was normally covered by a distinct, humorous confidence that was doubled by a covering of the internet chatting tool. “Well, lucky for you; you only have to deal with me, love.”
“Hey, we still have a few years before the deal,” Alex pointed out. “Am I not allowed to think that anyone else might want to be with me?”
“I don’t get why you need eight years. We could just date and get it over with now and then get married.” He snapped.
Alex was caught off guard. She simply did what she always did and gave a small, ‘Mhmm,’ while avoiding all eye contact and turning her head as far left as she could, trying to focus on the door and the people entering. She tried to find something to focus on anything, anything except the boy that she loved, but was not in love with.
Fitz’s tone as he saw Alex’s discomfort stiffened. He always grew frustrated that she never saw what he saw. It was something Alex already knew, and she was just waiting for her name to be confronted. Her demeanor after these comments and one line responses always welcomed the confrontations.
“Alex,” he said firmly. At least he stayed consistent with trying to talk to her, though her constant disregard to his proposals were equally as consistent and encouraging to his behavior. “Alex, look at me.” Though she initially refused, as his voice repeated, the phrase was softened and she looked in his general direction, still avoiding lifting her brown eyes to his. “Alex,” his voice was calm now, almost sad that she never responded in a positive manner. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” He said. “Why do you get so quiet when I mention anything about you and me being more than we are now?”
Just as Alex was about to open her mouth and respond; say anything other than her normal response, the door to the coffee shop opened and Elizabeth walked in. She was meeting the pair and as she approached, Alex waved, “Hey!” as the petite frame of her best friend stood by her side.
Fitz shook his head and stiffened besides Alex. She heard him mumble, “Crap,” under his breath and reach into his curly mess of sandy curls to shake them, clearly frustrated at Beth’s timing. “Hi Beth,” he said less convincing than he would have hoped, trying to shake the frustration from his voice. She smiled warmly, not picking up the cold chill and uncomfortable stature of her friends. “Hey guys!” she sounded like her quiet, colorful self. “Did you already order?”
“Um, no, we were waiting for you.” Alex said.
“Oh, okay, let’s order then.”
They all got in line together and ordered their various lattes and coffees. Between Alex and Fitz was a strange friction that could have caused a Forrest fire had there been any trees around. Beth, not seeing the tension, opened her mouth and excused herself after ordering her large iced peppermint mocha. “Wait’- both Alex and Fitz protested.
“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to the bathroom. Grab my drink please and take it to a table?” she smiled waltzing off.
“Beth, don’t-”Alex tried again, but it was too late. Beth was already gone.
“Here you go,” the barista handed her their drinks. Fitz grabbed his and sauntered off to find a table. As Alex sat down, he stood idle and sighed impatiently. “I don’t understand you.” He stated. “You’re so damn stubborn and so sure that it won’t work out. Well, guess what Alex? I think that it will. You know perfectly well that I adore you, why won’t you let me?”
Alex shut her eyes. She knew he adored her, everyone did, but she wished he would stick the order of the deal. The deal was what they had been planning since there were seventeen, and agreed upon after being tired of the constant tired actions of the opposite sex. It entailed a marriage-originally at age forty, then pushed up to twenty-five- if neither of them had found anyone at that age. Then they would get married in a sea of pink and yellow frills, much like Alexa’s bright personality. Ireland was where they agreed upon, because of Alexa’s love of the Irish accent and slight lineage to the country, and Fitz’s love of getting out of the United States.
After that would come the children that Fitz promised Alex could name without much of a fight from his party. Since she had been dreaming of her future since she was a child, he seemed like the perfect man. On paper, he matched with Alexa like a dream, but she didn’t want to admit it. She didn’t want to ruin their four year friendship over a possibility of love. There had to be someone else out there that understood her and could keep up with her humor like Fitz could. She had to let someone else have the chance, because in her heart she knew that it wasn’t right.
“Fitz, you’re my best friend.”
“No, do not talk to me with that best friend bull. You will not.”
“Will you listen?” Alex asked him forcefully. Usually he was cutting her off and telling her she was wrong, that she should give him a chance, but she wasn’t going to let him guilt-trip her into a life with him. “Look, I love you, seriously, I do. But right now I’m not in love with you.” There it was. The dreaded spiel. She had gotten it out there, and she felt terrible. “You’re my best friend, Fitz, and I don’t want to ruin that with you.”
“You’re ruining it now by saying this to me. Of all the girls in the world that I’ve entrusted my heart, I never thought you’d be the one to hurt me the most.”
“I’m not saying no.”
“You’re certainly not saying yes.”
“I’m saying that I just don’t know right now. Indecision is a part of me; confusion is a part of me. Please, just… drop it.”
“So, what’d I miss?” Beth asked, coming innocently from the bathroom corridor.
Fitz sat down as far away from Alex as he could, practically throwing Beth in the space between them. She caught onto the awkwardness. “Okay…”
“You know what, when you stop being so goddamn stubborn, let me know.” Fitz got up hastily and stormed away. He exited the shop and both the girls stared off at it. Beth opened her mouth up, but he stormed back in. “And furthermore, just don’t let me know. I cannot deal with this uncertainty anymore. You will tell me now and now only, I repeat this is your only chance.” He said firmly, creating a scene. Everyone’s eyes were now on them, and Alex was praying he wasn’t going to finish his demand like she thought he was going to. “Do you or do you not see us at any point in the future?”
She put her hands over her face wanted to scream. He said exactly what she thought he would, and didn’t know how to answer. She wanted to answer with her usual, ‘Mhmm,’ but knew that deep down she couldn’t keep saying that four letter noise. “Don’t do this.” She pleaded. “Please, can’t you just see where things go? We have eight years, Fitz, eight years.”
“No,” he stamped his foot on the ground. “I need to know now.”
She thought for what seemed like the longest moment of her life. She remembered their funniest conversations, their proudest musical moments, their happiness, their comfort in each other. She remembered how she helped him through a few terrible break ups, and he just waited in the aisle, waiting for her to give him the green light.
Alexa knew what she had to do. She stood up and took a breath out of her nose, her voice shaky before even speaking.
“Please,” he pleaded, “tell me now.”
With a quivering lip and a heavy load to reveal, she spoke only two words, “I’m sorry.”
FinallyWritingAgain & Smiles,